Mullet Man from Scuzz TV Rock Channel
Interviewed at Rockscene
Scuzz tv is broadcast on Sky TV digital 471 in the UK
What does your tattoo say?
VOID. My ex-girlfriend, I wont mention her name, Tracey, left me for a roadie from Poison. What can I say? I'm still gutted. Lying cheating whore bitch.

Where do you get your "special" underpants?
At a pound store in Brentford. I made Larry take them up to the counter to ask how much they were. And, when you say 'underpants' you make it sound like I have more than one pair.

Britain invented metal - Saxon, Purple, Black Sabbbath - what do you think has gone wrong?
Rick Astley. He is the antichrist. He planted the seed of destruction in the music scene and we've been going downhill ever since. Armageddon is not far off.

How do you feel about The Darkness - are they celebrating metal or mocking it?
Who? Rick Parfitt? He's alright.

No, The Darkness.
Who? Sound like pansies to me.

Is there a name for the martial art you practise with your pool cue?
Fuk u-ga.

Why do you keep killing lucky Larry's friends?
Well, I don't actually intend to kill them, its more to teach them a life lesson, and it just ends up in death.

Do you think that we ought to be writing letters to our govt to send the Americans in to stop the eskimoes?
I am heading up a campaign to get the little fuckers. Igloos, my arse.

If the eskimoes and albinos got together to create a master race of eski-binos would Saxon reform to save us?
I don't think the original Saxon would ever reform cos that bassist dude lost all his hair. And Biff does not take kindly to that sort of thing, male pattern baldness my arse.

Everyone knows where the mullet stands on metal and nu-metal but what do you think of punk?
They're a bunch of pansies. I'd like to line them all up and piss on them, but then again they'd enjoy that, being christened by the urine of Mullet Man. I dont mind The Stranglers.

Which is less worse Linkin Park or Limp Bizkit?
They are both sodomy to me. A trip into the abyss.

Remember Vixen? (we heard a rumour they were looking for you)
Sweet.

Norwegian black metal is clearly the most evil form of metal ever - so ever burned a church?
No but I once farted in one. That cleared the building.

Who's got the best mullet in metal?
Me. And if anyone disagrees come down to Brentford, just ask for Mullet Man. They'll point you in the right direction.


Any message for Ozzy since his unfortunate accident?
Yeah, get one of those old peoples' wheelchairs, Ozzy. They've got a strap. You'll never fall out. Watch your fingers don't get caught in the spokes though.

Have you seen the metal queen in here tonight?
I thought I had and we were getting real cuddly but then it turned out to be a dude. That poor bastard will never be playing the flute again.

Have you ever considered Djing? We think you'd make this place rock
Yes I think I would make this place rock. I have considered it and have had quite a few offers but it all comes down to money and sex. If you can offer me enough chicks and dosh, I will come. Sweet.