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"I'm
so tired .... I'm doing these gigs with Travis in Germany, I get
offstage at midnight back to the hotel at about 4 am and ding -
alarm bell at 6am for 7am flight and I've done press and TV all
day and here I am today exhausted by all this........sorry I think
I need a nap and I'm not going to get one, I have to do another
interview and then sound check.... and this is not even a representation
of who I am today, I finished Died Laughing in 98, I wrote most
of the songs on the record when Life Of Agony were doing Ugly so
I'm so caged and frustrated doing all this stuff, I'm on record
3 already and I've still got to introduce this to the press, I think
Roadrunner are a little confused by what I've given them which is
like nothing they've put out before and so..............well all
this.......
The Travis thing is cool though they're a bunch of sweet guys and
he's a great songwriter, I'll play in front of anyone as long as
people appreciate my innocence and my approach to art I'm grateful
and I don't really care who the audience are, I feel I have to go
through my own healing process and I have to work out so many things
within myself, I am doing what I believe I'm supposed to be doing
and with or without anyone else I'd still be doing it and I don't
want to sound like an asshole but I'm not after any rewards I just
want to make the greatest records that I could possibly make whether
its y'know .....nothing's guaranteed so I can't expect anything
.....I'm very vulnerable it's like I'm Christ on the cross being
whipped by the Romans at all times - every day all day ......I'm
playing these gigs with Travis and its just so....I feel like I'm
bringing back the sixties cos I've a real rock'n' roll band with
me I like to keep things really open, there is no format, the direction
is directionless, total spur of the moment, total Doors, total ......format
doesn't exist .............This is the first time I've had a proper
band I mean I've done a television show here and there with different
musicians but this is the first time I had the opportunity to have
a serious fucking band and now it's really growing and this members
playing jazz and fusion and this one..... somehow during this tour......
everyone's become so sensitive and this one's going to be a father
and this one played for Candy Darling...... I think I'm bringing
things out of them that are so in their past .....the drummer was
into jazz and I'm allowing him to feel like this innocent child
again going back to his rock 'n' roll roots the way he expresses
his anger in a very jazz orientated way .....I wanted originally
to call it Brandy Duval not like for it to be a solo thing ...there's
only two more dates of the Travis thing left now.... I will be doing
more live stuff ...when I'm on-stage I want to just do the live
thing but when I'm off stage I want to be in the studio ............I
have a great band now and they can follow my every bizarre intention
on stage ........we just take it so beyond the record......I'm at
such a strange cross-roads in my life I feel like I don't know what
to do anymore .....I'm living moment by moment .....I'm living in
Amsterdam now......the music takes me there......I went home ( to
New York) for Xmas but that was just private time........my band
lives in Amsterdam it's like my new hometown in a way....but I don't
really go out much ...I'm kind of a loner, I don't feel I get enough
time for myself so I just stay in with my girlfriend or strum a
guitar or read or write poetry, do my yoga............I think I'd
like a family maybe that's my ultimate dream but in a sense if you
have a close band it's a family in some strange way, like a tribe.........I'm
nobody I'm just a human being trying to survive......"
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